If you look up oenophile in the dictionary, they don't have my picture next to the definition. But I've always been curious about wines.
When CompuServe was the leading online service, I used to hang out at the Wine Forum, hoping to pick up wisdom. It could have been that wisdom was in short supply; more likely, it was there and I didn't recognize it.
They kept talking about Robert Parker, and what he thought of this wine and that wine. I commented that I always figured Robert Parker as a beer guy, since "Spenser" mostly drank Amstel in those days. It turns out, Robin told me, that the Robert Parker who wrote great detective novels, was not the same Robert Parker who reviewed wines.
A couple of years ago, they decided that drinking one glass a day of red wine prolongs your life. Teetotalers didn't live as long, nor did people who drank two or more glasses a day. Since then, I've tried several times to develop a habit of drinking a glass of red wine with supper. I've largely been unsuccessful.
I wouldn't have a problem with white wine. I've rarely seen a white wine that I disliked, and the cheap white Rhine wines seem especially enjoyable. Liebfraumilch - it's German for "Loving Mother's Milk" - is the hash of cheap white Rhine wines. After they bottle their Reislings and whatever, they toss whatever's left together, and bottle it up. Blends tend to eliminate rough edges, and white wines are best fresh, so it makes a pleasant white wine.
Red wines have complex flavors, and they often are best when aged ten to fifteen years. They require an educated palate, apparently, and having grown up in a Methodist household, mine may be a "special education" red wine palate.
The most popular red wine appears to be burgandy. It's not very appealing to me, and Blondie outright refuses to drink it. (Me, I figure there are kids starving in Europe.)
So when I was at the State Store earlier this week, I picked up a couple of red wines that I'd never tried before. One, Marsala, is supposed to be a "dessert wine". I don't know if that means that it is supposed to be dessert, or it's supposed to be served with dessert. In either case, though, it doesn't seem to pass muster.
The label described it as sweet, with a nutty taste. It's not sweet. It's not even what you'd call dry. It's pretty sour. And I don't pick up any "nutty" taste at all. It tastes like raisins.
And it'll knock you on your heiny. It's about 17% alcohol. Generally speaking, wines run about 12% or so, because the rising alcohol level, as the wine ferments, kills off the yeast. Seems like this variety would be best suited for a curb-dwelling wino. After all, if your heiny is already in the curb, you don't worry about getting knocked on it. You're already there.
I'm thinking about making up a sangria with the Marsala. Maybe if you mix it with a lot of sweet fruit, it'll be more palatable. It'd definitely dilute that alcoholic content. And if we don't like it, perhaps we can go one step further, add some 7up, call it punch, and invite ourselves to a New Year's Eve party. Blondie has some friends who aren't curb-dwellers, but they get blotto at least five nights a week.
Or perhaps I can make Chicken Marsala.
The other wine I bought was a Shiraz. I know even less about it, except that, well, a few years ago, nobody knew what Lambrusco was, and then it was the rage, and a few years ago, nobody knew what Cabernet was, and then it was all the rage, and a few years ago, nobody knew what Merlot was, and then it was all the rage. These days, Shiraz seems to be all the rage.
We haven't opened that bottle, yet.
Wines come from all over the globe, and to some people, the country of origin is important. If you grow the same grapes somewhere else, and make the wine the same way, the french government still doesn't let you call the wine Champagne.
I'm a fan of Hugh MacLeod, a cartoonist, who has been involved in promoting Stormhoek wines for a few years now. You can see the back of the Stormhoek Savignon Blanc here. "Blanc" means white, but Stormhoek makes two wines, and the other in pinotage.
Pinotage is a red wine grape that is South Africa's signature variety. It typically produces deep red varietal wines with smoky, bramble and earthy flavours, sometimes with notes of bananas and tropical fruit, but has been criticised for sometimes smelling of acetone. Love the attitude - change the world or go home - but I'm not really fond of acetone.
So I think I'll save myself the effort of trying that red.
There are a couple of stories I was hoping to shoehorn in here, but they never really fit anyplace. Shoehorns, come to think of it, often are associated with ill-fitting shoes, aren't they? So you get them with a splat.
A year or two ago, I went to a specialist, and the nurse was taking my medical history. Do I drink, the nurse asked me, and I said I was trying to develop a habit, but so far I had been unsuccessful. She gave me that strangest look. Hey, I said, one glass of red wine a day is supposed to make you live longer, but I just can't get into it. It'd sure be nice if I could substitute some other form of dissolute living, like maybe sex. Actually, the nurse said, people who have a lot of sex do live longer. I gave her my best dirty-old-man leer, and said, "Yes?" She broke out laughing, and from then on, every third question on my medical history, she'd collapse in laughter.
Oh, well, I guess you had to be there. And this one doesn't much better. You know what happened when someone stepped on the Catawba grape? It gave out a little whine/wine.
There are happy drunks, and there are sad drunks, drunks who simply fall asleep, and drunks who get nasty and start fights. I don't get drunk, but I tell jokes and stories. My wife says it's a shame I don't get drunk instead....